Yvette's Inner Geek Blog

This is how my night and early morning went, only imagine a cat that weighs 20 pounds and drools excessively and crawls up to the top of the bed for more IN YOUR FACE action:

Actually, my biggest problem of late is that my feet get hot and I try to roll over in my sleep and I can't. The culprit? A 20-pound bulk of Loki asleep at my feet, constricting the covers and creating near thermonuclear levels of heat. This is compounded by Phoebe, who is a normal-size cat and will generally move when I start pushing her away with my feet.

Loki maintains his dead weight, and I've tried everything I can with my early morning foot/leg strength to let him know that he is no longer welcome. I can push my foot underneath him (I'm under the covers, he's on top of them) and shove shove shove with no results. If my eyes were open at that time and it was not dark in the room, I'm sure he'd look at me with an O Hai and chirp a little morning purr for me.

Painfully adorable at many hours, but not at 3am. Or 4am or 5am... or any hour at which I am still blissfully unaware of reality.

So I shove harder, and I'm sure at some point I've actually pushed him to the point where all four paws are in standing position--and yet somehow he maintains his dead weight. One time, and I still feel really bad about this, I only nudged Loki and he rolled off the side of the bed and he thumped onto the floor. It's not my waking-hours wish to hurt him, but 3am Yvette-who-you-disturbed-from-slumber can occasionally (okay, often) be angry and wrathful.

So at this point, Phoebe has already jumped off the bed. Loki is refusing to move. At this point, I sometimes give up and move myself into a cooler, less comfortable position and try to fall back asleep. Or, if I'm determined to go back to sleep in the position I desire because I'm the human in charge, dammit, this is usually how it goes:

1. Sit up and attempt to pick up Loki.
   
2. Fail.
   
3. Move closer and pick him up from a better angle where I can use the strength in my back and/or knees.
4. Release him onto the floor.
5. Growl at him.
6. Flop back onto the bed.
7. Feel my blood boil as he jumps back on the bed.
8. Repeat steps 3-6, with more teeth grinding.
   
9. Realize that I'm not in charge when Phoebe jumps back on the bed and flops down between me and Ben.
10. Fall asleep hoping that when Loki jumps back on the bed, he'll stay on Ben's side.

I need to remember to put the spray bottle full of water next to my bed again. That usually helps. But it often disappears from my nightstand for various home improvement projects.

Speaking of Ben, he's usually unaware of my nighttime cat ritual. Sometimes he's the victim of my squirming (do you really need more details?) but he still doesn't totally understand because his feet extend to the end of our queen size mattress and the cats don't have room to be a thermonuclear heating pad on his side. 

Yet somehow, through all the trials of living with Loki for over 7 years, I still love the big fatass.